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Friday, November 2nd, 2001
4:26 pm - ...Love...
Well, im so confused right now. i dont know what i should do. William and i fight so much and i hate fighting w/ him. I talked to my mom and asked her what William could do for them to like him again, and well she said that he should shape up his act, stop fighting w/ me, and pay them back the $50 they gave him after he gets his job. I was suprised that she'd actually give him a second chance, but i knew she would since thats what she told me before. She knows i love him so much, i just wish we wouldnt fight as much as we do. But i will always love him no matter what. Well, i'm also most likely pregnant w/ his kid. But it's still to early to know. I should get my period on the 7th and if i don't then i'll have to get a pregnancy test. We've already thought of names that we could name the baby. If it's a boy, we're going to name it William Lee Titman III, and if it's a girl we'll name it Destiny Lynn Titman, well it'll be Kemnetz till we get married September 1 2005. I really want to be w/ him forever. I never hurt so much when we're apart. It's so hard, him living in Cape May and all. I wish we lived closer, hopefully when the babys born (if i am pregnant) things will change w/ the whole distance and all, but im not sure. I love him so much and its so hard to be away from him. On the 14th we'll have been together for 6 months. Can you belive that? That would make it the longest relationship i've ever had. Well Danny and i arent friends anymore. He's just too much. Well i'm out...

current mood: lonely

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Sunday, September 2nd, 2001
2:23 am - God Be Damned
phew... it's been like months since i wrote an entry in this lil bugger but anyways HEY!!! It's been a tough summer, trying to stay out of trouble and such. Well theres a correction William is getting out September 11th !!! I've been through alot this summer, i saw my buddy Paul from carrier about a week ago at Old Navy, it felt so good to see him again. We just chit chatted for a little bit and then i had to go shop cuz u know how it is lol. So yeah schools starting up in a few days like uh... 3. I wanna go back and get my life back on track and with William getting out i know he'll help me accomplish my goals. One of my goals is to quit smoking and drinking, which i highly became fond of this summer. Multiple nights of just sitting @ dannys crib stoned completely out of my mind. Besides that....having a straight 13 days of partying...i can say i've had a summer to remember. Now right now... for some reason "Spring" Bobbys newest girlfriend is talking my fucking ear off about things i could honestly care less about. Talking about Bobby singing songs and driving her daddys bmw i mean puhlease.... may there ever be a dull moment where she can sit and say... why am i telling this girl stuff that she really doesnt care about... i guess not since she's still IM'ing me. But anyway, i'm so totally over him anyway. Either that or i just lost all fucking memory of loving him from smoking way to fucking much. But i have new things to explore new goals to pursue. So fuck the past i'm living in the future baby! So blah blah blah and so on, i got all these new meds to fuck w/ my brain some more... thanks to the OH SO WONDERFUL Dr. Hayes. Gee i just wanna tell him to fuck off w/ the meds sometimes but he loves to add lots more. ugh... i need a newport *lights up a newport* much better. well im out... LATE

current mood: accomplished

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Saturday, July 14th, 2001
10:44 pm - Aint That Freaky
Well Hello there, Journal. SuP? well i decided not to write in here for a while b/c i've been to lazy to do so. But... William asked me to marry him & i said... YES! I love him so much omg! well anywho, it's our 2 month anniversery today. i got a guinea pig, i named him LiL Will. From what my dad told me williams getting out the 26th of July. so YAY! i'm also gonna be going down to WildWood this month or next w/ my fam, but i'll meet up w/ my friends. well im out, later

current mood: complacent

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Friday, June 22nd, 2001
7:54 pm - "your disease is in me"-Saliva
well, johns supposed to come down tonight... of course he prolly wont but honestly im fine w/ that. im used to being ditched. i've just been reading up on stuff, and i dont know why ppl think i use them i mean oh well i shouldnt dwell on the past my friends say, but it pisses me off. i mean i guess i'll bring it up, well alyson used to think i used her a while back b/c i wanted to go to wildwood and hang w/ my friends down there, but i suppose she had forgot that Scooby invited us down the saturday after we had been down there and uh well she said yeah we could prolly go, so when i hooked up w/ william i had more of a reason to go down there then to chill w/ my friends i could chill w/ my b/f also. but little did she know OUR friend rodger wanted us to go down, but i guess she thought i was using her but oh well honestly i dont care its over w/. i still talk about that shit w/ ppl. i mean UGH i hate stubboren ppl. god. i miss William :'( i want him to come home :'( i need to talk to him. well i dunno whats goin on w/ my and bobby. i havent talked to him in quite some time. i havent smoked ALL day so im jonesin and thats why im contemplating once again, like i used to when i had nothing better to do when i was depressed and just sat and thought and cut. well my sister found the knife i used to cut w/ that danny threw down the sewer drain. i was like "holy shit u found uh.. the knife" and well it still had blood and skin on it. i was grossed out. i cant cut now i've totally thought about it and totally wanted to but i know its morally wrong. quite morbid also. i dunno i wish ppl who did that could realize that there are things that u can do instead of cutting, some might not be legal or healty, i myself discovered marijuana. it eased the pain, and i realized that i had more fun on that then cutting. but there are alternatives everyone. trust me, from a recovering cutter. i know, u just have to work extra hard to stop, and friends make all the difference. espically ones who are a little tough on you, it will help and if u dont belive me then whatever cuz its true, even if it hurts u by hearing "dont cut, theres no fucking reason to" it'll build up ur strength to be mobile, so whatever i feel like the preachers wife so ttyl. <3 yall *MWAH*

current mood: mischievous

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12:24 am - "Bitch u kno what i want" -Sir Smoke Alot (Half Baked)
Peek-a-boo... well yup i was a bitch today...uh huh i was.. y u ask? cuz i didnt get to smoke a decent amount of cheeba UGH! but n-e-who, my b/f ran from rehab, and he's tryin to get to my place... i dunno i'm disappointed, i told him i didnt want him to run but he cant do n-e thing about that now.. well i get to serve my one extended tomorrow... oh gee whiz so much fun. well i miss william, when i talked to him he just sounded i dunno like i could belive everything he said, about loving me and all that. and how he hopes i'll be Katie Titman one day... yes, his last name is Titman. I havent talked to Bobby for a few days, i wonder where he went... oh well haha. my friends gettin her tounge pierced tomorrow :-/ im scared 4 her hehe. Well today was my old best friends b'day hehe HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETH!!! I LUV YA! lol she turned *15* lol. but today was the last day of school, i havent taken my meds in like 3 days, and im really bitchy, but theres a whole reason why im not taking them. it's called "destroyed sex drive" and well i had no interest in sex what so ever and like i dunno it was killin me. so i'm jus gonna chill 4 a while w/ the medz. well ttyl bye

current mood: bitchy

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Sunday, June 17th, 2001
12:11 pm - Emptiness beneath the skin...
i can honestly say that i feel empty inside. why? you ask. well b/c i miss the blood, the torment i used to put my body through, i feel like i missing something, like i lost my one and only friend. it's hard to feel this way, i hate withdrall. im not sure what im supposed to do now, its confusing. i can feel my depression trying to drag me back into the wrath of its vengence, but i've gained enough strength to refuse. but on the other hand, i lack the comfort from it. the ease that everything is peaceful w/ my knife. the tears i could cry for nothingness, and now i cannot cry no matter how hard i try. like last night for instince, i was thinking off amanda and jay and how much there relationship was just like me & bobbys and well i lost him. i knew that it was a moment for crying but they just wouldnt come. so i sat in pain of not being able to do anything to myself to feel better. im lost. i need help. im out, bye

current mood: crushed

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1:11 am - Smile Captin...it's smooth sailin ahead..
where should i start, WILLIAM CALLED ME!! he called last night from rehab <3 omg i think i fell in love w/ him all over again. he might be comming home in july b/c he keeps telling the rehab that he's depressed, he said as soon as he gets out he's comming and visiting me. yay! but anyway, i got of grounding today, so u know to celebrate u gotta spark up a lil herb so thats what i did. i saw amanda today, i miss her :'( her b/f is leaving this saturday. i feel so bad for her b/c i know how she feels. the same way i felt about william leaving for rehab. there so cute together, its just obvious he loves her and she loves him. i get all teary eyed when i see them together cuz its so adorable. they remind me of a past relationship i had w/ my ex bobby. well gtg bye

current mood: naughty

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Sunday, June 10th, 2001
6:07 pm - ..Geesh..
god, im so tired of idiocy. seriously i am. ppl can be such idiots some times. honestly i've been thinking quite a bit this weekend about bobby, beaches, drugs, tattoos, piercings, relationships, will and rodger. it's like i dunno i know i have to go to summer school now and shit cuuz im failing but honestly i dont give a fucking shit anymore. nothing good's gonna come out of anything. i just want to drop out and live w/ rodger somewhere. i hate school. nothings goin the way it should anymore. i just want to be i dunno away from all this bullshit u know. all these wanna-be ppl. well im out bye

current mood: aggravated

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Thursday, June 7th, 2001
4:41 pm - What would u do..
what would u do if everything became almost perfect from a shattered image before? this is what im wondering. i have such great friends. they all helped me when i was depressed but kind of avoided me cuz they wanted me to get better. Now im doing great and my friends want to hang w/ me now. i'm having the best times since i've overcome depression. and mainly i owe it to danny. he helped me the most. w/ the tough support i learned how to gain strength to become more stable. and i love him for that so much. now we hang like all the time cuz we've become alot closer and no one could ever ruin our friendship cuz its so strong. but anyway... ppl wanna hang but i dunno. i actually wanna do something fun somewhere other then ewing. i like to go places.. can u blame me? im a travelin chik. me and my crew need to go somewhere. i cant wait till i drive, me and danny are gonna take a road trip. it'll be great. i cant wait. well bye

current mood: high

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Sunday, June 3rd, 2001
6:39 pm - Holy Sunday
friday i met jeremy he's a cool kid, another friend of jamies! we went to the bowlin alley and played some arcade games, nothin specialr. i met Jared today, that's my homie yo lol, oh and i also met my lil homie jimmy. lol there gettin so old :'( they graduated 8th grade today. i was so happy for them. my cousin is in there class so i went to the oh so boring graduation lol. it was @ there church and i thought i'd die of boredom. but it was good, i met alot of her friends. well ttyl bye

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, May 29th, 2001
3:32 pm - *Beep Beep*
Hey, its meeh today was aly's 1st day back. she didnt look too happy, i dont see how any one could it's ewing high. YuCk! i hate ewing so much, everyones so ignorent. well besides that i havent been having the best sleeps. i keep having nightmares about my grandpa and i thought my sister had lukemia the other night. i couldnt sleep at all last night. i kept waking up. i mean i guess it fits in cuz my grandpa died around memorial day. i've just been a lil depressed this week, nothing too big its just i was very very close to my g'pa and well he's gone and i'll never see him again. this stuff makes me cry, i dont even know why i keep trying to talk about it. well i have to go to the doctors tomorrow, to see if i have bronchitis. i hope i dont . ttyl

current mood: restless

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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001
11:44 pm - Hey You..
today was well ur usual day BoRiNg. i raan 3 laps in gym.. i was like dead. i slept today! woo-hoo. nothing special happened today. i saw mindy it was the usual thing. ttyl bye

current mood: bored

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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
10:37 pm - Well Well Well
Hi, today was horrible. not to mention the weather. i get so pissed w/ the weather i hate that. well william left 7am this morning. to much of my suprise i had a big awakening in my email when i got home. it was rodger, he told me he needed to talk to me and then diana told me why. it's like this.. will has been double time cheating on me.. he has a fiance and he's seeing this other girl, one being named jess. i was pretty devastated and i couldnt take it. i mean he was so paranoid i was cheating on him the whole time... and look who was. i still love him but i just wanted to die, i felt it was my fault u know, so i od'd tonight, obviously it didnt work :'( im upset about that.. theres still 2 hours to the day... all it did was make me an enjoyable nice person... i dont even know how many pills i took i just grabbed a handful and pop, down they went. i got pretty uh.. high. but i still cant belive it, i love william so much,i wanted things to work for us so bad, and well they just cant now unless he dumps them, its not at all fair to me. and i feel stupid cuz i asked him out...but he told me he was single. but anyway i saw aly today, its been the 1st time in like a week. we went to drop danny off @ work. i got picz back today... there so sexy lol jp. i also appologized to laura today. im just so upset right now, my nerves are on end, i was like i dont know. im scared. i need to talk to someone right now, someone who will comfort me. but theres no one. my tears are all dried up, there all gone, i cannot cry for the life of me.

current mood: irritated

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Monday, May 21st, 2001
12:50 am - Hey..
Hey it's me again. Well this weekend pretty much um SUCKED. i absolutly did like nothing all weekend cept chill w/ diana. i did my term paper today...THANK GOD!! But um, i feel bad for William. He's leaving Tuesday @ 7 am... i wont see him till like November but if he's lucky he can get out a few days for his b'day!! I love him alot, i dont want to lose him, he's like all i have now. Everyone seems to hate me now, i dont know why..i never did anything. I mean aly confronted me on something i said the other night and like i know she ment well but like it felt so awkward u kno? i mean i felt like she hated me and stuff like i felt so uh..disgusting. but i dunno, i've been pretty ashamed about myself lately, it's like why does William even want to be w/ me? I just wish he wouldnt have to go away :'( i would spend all summer w/ him. i will be so happy when he gets out. he told me that he's going to be clean when he gets out and he'd like it if i could try and stop smoking so he could have support to stay off drugs. i told him i would. Everyone thinks that William is controling... i mean he only said one thing and that was to call him in 10 mins. i mean its not like a huge deal i mean other then that everything has been going good. i mean he's going through a really rough time and everything, i dont blame him if he gets upset. i'm here for him though, no matter what. it's just uhh. i dunno i hung out w/ danny and diana today also. we got high hehe. the usual chill thing to do nowadays lol. theres not much to look foward to except getting outta school in like 22 days? and William getting out. that's about it, oh yeah and summer. i cant wait. Raja fell in love w/ Margo and im soo happy for them! they both look soooo cute together! yay 4 raja!! hehe well ttyl I LOVE WILLIAM!! night

current mood: high

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Saturday, May 19th, 2001
1:14 am - "Under The Board Walk.."
im excited, yes i am. i love my sweetie William soo much! I miss his voice already. He's so sweet and sexy hehehe. i cant wait to see him! he asked me to marry him hehehe. i said yes hehe. i would i mean i love him so much. he said after he gets outta rehab he's thinking about moving up here if we're still together. i know im going to stay true to him. no matter what. i wouldnt do anything to screw us up. im so glad im w/ him. he's made me soo happy. :) Well i havent cut in sooo long and im so proud of myself. i've become such a better person and im so glad. well ttyl. Katie+William=<3

current mood: excited

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Wednesday, May 16th, 2001
4:29 pm - YaY!!
Hey! i had such a good day yesterday!! me aly sharon and kazia went to olive garden and got... UNLIMITED SALADS lol. me & aly were bring so funny we like laughed all night! kazia and sharon thought we were high lol. i had so much fun. yesterday was so much fun!!!! yay!! well ttyl bye bye

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, May 15th, 2001
7:46 pm
Hey, well today was kinda um blah. i hung out w/ danny and aly for a lil bit. which was nice. Well, me and tom arent together anymore. Im going out with this guy Will who's a total hottie. but um anyway, i havent talked to raja, i miss him. well other then that im kinda i dunno, feeling quite alright. well i dunno what to say, i finally did my outline which was like sooo due last monday. but i dont care i got it done so hey.. bye

current mood: calm

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Sunday, May 13th, 2001
7:21 pm - Heyo
Hey, yesterday was quite fun. me & aly went to wildwood & met Raja. he's so nice, and we met like all of his friends and there nice too. we took danny shopping earlier too. he got his mom and dad gifts and some clothes for work. yesterday was a good day. laura called aly b-4 we saw raja and told her that she told lauren that aly was upset b/c she didnt call her, and aly was pissed. she got alot of ppl that agreed she should be mad at laura i mean come on, the girl went behind aly's back and told the girl aly was mad at her i mean HELLO are u that stupid, and she called aly all excited about it. pssh, but anyway last night when we were comming home we were at a red light and aly threw her mickey d's cup out the window and there was a cop right behind us...BlOnDe!!! lol, he pulled us over and he just warned us and stuff then they insisted that we went through a red light and we soooooo did not, it was yellow, aly was arguing w/ the cop and was like "no it was not red" she has balls lol. but today i went and saw my g'ma and cousin and uncle. all in all it was boring. today is me & tom's 1 month anniveresery. he doesnt want to come down so i dunno. gtg bye

current mood: content

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Friday, May 11th, 2001
6:19 pm - ..HmmmHuuumHmmmHumm..
Heyo.DANNY GOT HIS JOB! Today was actually good for once! i saw Danny's guinea pig and she is sooooooo cute! I hung out w/ danny and aly after school then me & aly took danny to work.. GOOD LUCK HUN! Then we went to that abandoned house on pennington road and we almost got in!! lol. we're gonna get in one day, we got it all planned. but after that we went to the lambertville high school and OMG it was fucking scary! we went in and like we went upstairs and we saw a bunch of candles and we could still see the smoke lingering and the wet wax, ciggarrettes half lit me & aly were sooo scared. we went to turn around and i saw someone run down the steps. we were really scared then. after that we decided to leave, we had to get down stairs cuz we were on the roof and when we got to the 1st floor we heard humming comming from the basement. holy shit we like ran out and jumped in the car and left. it was soooooo scary. but anyway. me and aly are gonna go to the beach tomorrow!!! YAY!!! ttyl bye

current mood: cheerful

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Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
3:09 pm - LaLaLa
well, hey. yesterday i got high again.then dan canto and kenny came over. and we kept smokin. but anyway then we went and hung out w/ alyson. we went to eckerds for dannys job interview. i think he did good on the tests. i hope he gets this job, he really wants it. but anyway, today was the usualy boring day. i dont know what im gonna do yet. i'll call aly later to see how her day was and everything. once i get up off my lazy ass. grr ttyl

current mood: flirty

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